


Can't Get the Staff

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Euphemisms, Gen, Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge 2019, My First Work in This Fandom, Short One Shot, community: mmom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 20:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18667459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: Deadpool discusses being Canadian and enjoying wanking. Crack flash fic for mmom (Merry Month of Masturbation)





	Can't Get the Staff

"You wanker!" the man screamed.

Deadpool tipped his head. "Oooh, British! You're part of the Commonwealth too. Little known fact, at least to you: Je Soos Canadian. No, wait, Jem Suis Canadiennnnn...dammit, what was I saying?"

The man stared at him, then glanced nervously at the bodies of his crew, left scattered around him on the rooftop. "Is...is that why you spared me?"

"What? No! I thought you were from New York. Miscommunication." Deadpool turned his head to address an imaginary audience. "You just can't get the staff, though admittedly seeing as I don't pay them I must shoulder a smidgen of the blame."

He squeezed his thumb and forefinger together to show how tiny an amount this was.

"Anyhow, I'm not sure what's so wrong with being a wanker," Deadpool went on, returning his attention to the last man standing. "I personally enjoy wanking a great deal. I have special footwear and everything!"

The man desperately made for the gun that had been shot out of his hand earlier. Deadpool tutted, wrenching a flagpole from its mooring and gave the man a whack.

"Hey, sometimes you can get the staff," Deadpool quipped, swishing the flagpole around. He'd kept the guy alive because he wanted to question him further. But since the interrogation would be some time off, until the X-idiots could stop the unconscious guy oozing so much, Deadpool was already planning some quality time with himself, prompted by their discussion.

He rubbed his hand loving along the smooth shaft. "Time to go and fondle my flagpole."


End file.
